Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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