glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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