glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
