You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
