Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
