Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
