Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
