I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
