i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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