I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
