Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
