Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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