Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
