I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he fucked my hip out of place.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
