I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
