My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
organizing the empties. That sober.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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