Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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