who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
