My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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