Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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