Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
