Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
