Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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