mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
