And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
