saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
