I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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