You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
