I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
