TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
