i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
