My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize