did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
