Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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