she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
