five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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