A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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