what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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