Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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