I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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