so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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