I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
