every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
