I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I want her autograph on my taint
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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