Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
