"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
