OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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