apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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