Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
