And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
