Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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