I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
