Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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