Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
vagina is talking i cant
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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