I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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