thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
