I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
