You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
