No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
