think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
