please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
