I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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