You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
