after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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