Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
